GET OFF THE STAGE!

Band photo courtesy Elvis Died For Your Sins 

Of all the reeking, noxious terms left in flaming paper bags on the doorstep of the wine drinker by the hacks and cogs of the industry (i.e. writers, marketers, sales sluts, and the occasional semiliterate sommelier) are there any more posturing, more absurd than "rock star winemaker"?

I'm waiting.

I'm not referring to famous musicians who signed off on a marketing program after quickly pounding glasses of the three different blends offered them in an attempt to give the product a bouquet of authenticity, and I'm certainly not referring to winemakers with discernible musical talent.*  No, it is the ludicrous claim that the common possession of hair, personality and a microphone make one like the other.  It does not.  Nor does a bad drug habit, especially if acquired by a bad winemaker.** Working a crowd is the provenance of stand up comedians, motivational speakers, and recently paroled salesmen at seminars; while musicians may do so, it is not their primary activity, unless they suck.***  If a winemaker is like a musician, the comparison should rather be with the serious guitarist working on his masterpiece in the studio for months unto years, not the howling clown deafening a horde of unruly drunks with the same stupid song he's been performing for decades.

Though when was the last time you heard a winemaker say something original?

* Among whom I can be numbered, as an audience consisting of my loyal fans quickly discerns that I have almost no talent in the few moments before my "voice" burns out and/or I forget the lyrics.  

  

** We do not confuse Dee Dee Ramone with - well, there used to be two Paso vintners named Shannon.  I refer to the forcibly retired one.

*** Something my loyal fans yell at high volume when I'm onstage; to acknowledge the accuracy of their judgement and their saliva, I stage-dive on them.  I'm quite good at that, at least.